The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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