Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize