He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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