Tell her she can't have a vagina
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
