so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I intend to get homeless drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
