I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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