So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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