i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i out mim tonsoeep
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