Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just tell him i said nine months
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
