Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
