so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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