doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
