So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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