I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
