Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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