Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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