1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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