loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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