i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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