Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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