just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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