my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
