Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
