Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
