Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize