I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
