WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
