I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
