fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
