my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
