She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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