Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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