eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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