for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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