i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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