At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
