new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
