I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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