I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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