He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
