i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
