im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
