Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
