3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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