i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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