I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
