how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
