420 ftw
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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