i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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