That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
