we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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