Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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