I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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