Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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