There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize