There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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