I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
