I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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