thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
