Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
