I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
