My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
