Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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