I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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