I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
