The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
