You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
